Together We Can: Good News In Troubled Times

July 27, 2020

Last week I was a featured story at Wealth Journey! If you need financial coaching and want to make the most of what you earn and save, contact Scott at Wealth Journey- he is a trustworthy advisor and he and Mimi have your best interested in mind.

Here is the story from Wealth Journey:

Welcome back to “Good News Friday!” We live in a world where we are constantly bombarded with bad news. At Wealth Journey we decided it’s time for some good news! Today we want to highlight Julia Allman’s story and what she has done during the recent COVID pandemic. Julia is a Certified Christian Life Coach as well as Aromatherapist. She is the CEO and owner of Honest Aromas you can visit her website at: juliaallman.com.

Here’s her story:

A few days after the rioting began taking place across the country in response to George
Floyd’s death, I posted this on Facebook. “So, where do we go from here? How is the murdering, polarizing, hurting, hating and tearing each other down working for us? We are destroying ourselves and each other instead of valuing each life as a gift.


Together We Can
Giving in to the darkness of hate -of anyone- no matter what our political, social, ethnic
or religious background is, is the recipe for demise. We do not have to fear a foreign
enemy or a virus. We are doing an excellent job of destroying our own selves. The
problem starts in the unseen heart of each of us.”

I felt so helpless and at the same time, so passionate about doing something. I asked
myself what I could do in response to all of the violence and hatred going on in our
country. What little part could I play to change things in my community?
We have friends who are police officers and we have friends who are people of color, I
asked myself how I could reach out to both and show that I care. I called my friends of color and I expressed my care and feelings. The wife of this couple said that she had been feeling the same way, but wasn’t sure what to do either. I said, well if you want to have a gathering in the community to show solidarity and stand against hatred and violence, I am in. Within an hour she called me back and said that she had been to the City Manager’s office and requested permission to hold an event for unity!


We named the event, “Together We Can”. We prayed, discussed the parameters, and
began to invite speakers. The parameters we set forth were; faith based, non-political,
non-violent, presuming good will toward the next person, respect toward all and deciding
not to respond to provocation if it should occur. We invited our former and current Chiefs of Police to speak, a pastor whose church is very involved in the community, a retired nurse, a counselor and a county commissioner. We were hoping that at least 25 people would come and we were amazed when over 200 people attended! It was attended by police, the city council, area government representatives, business owners and community leaders as well as concerned citizens. It was peaceful, hope filled and transparent in regards to race and law enforcement issues. After that event, some youth that attended that event asked if we would support them in holding another event geared to youth and schools. When you begin to have conversations like these, many people start to surface to offer their knowledge and expertise.

At the second event we had a local pastor who was the chaplain for a police force in the
mid-west as well as a mediator concerning race for the Native American tribes in the
west. We invited him to speak as well as the former warden of our county jail, students,
faculty and a closing prayer by another pastor of the community. The attendance of this
event surpassed the first one. This event was also attended by many of our local police,
Sheriff, city council, local leaders and many concerned citizens. Our mayor told us,
“Thank you for holding these events.”

It is impossible to do something like this, at such an emotional and tenuous time in our
history without having some honest, uncomfortable conversations. I spoke with a few
wives of police officers and they have expressed what a hard time they have been
experiencing and I am gaining a better understanding of what life is like for them. Many
of them do not feel free to join in, but I engage them in conversations nonetheless. I also
have heard from many people of color of how life has been hard for them at times, simply
because the color of their skin and I have heard the fear that many people, on all sides of
the aisles, are experiencing right now.


While I was planning the second event, a psychologist that I have done seminars with in
the past, asked me if I would help him hold a,”day of peace” seminar in our town. He
works with people every day who are struggling with depression and anxiety because of
all of the uncertainty that is going on in the world right now. So we planned the, “A Day
Of Peace”, seminar at our local YWCA. We will have three Doctors of Psychology and 2
Life Coaches, including myself, offering solutions to the anxiety, depression, racism,
confusion, conflicts and family issues that have been surfacing in our lives during this
time.

While I was writing this story for Wealth Journey, I was also invited to speak at our local
Rotary Club, this week, on the events I helped organize to share ways one can create
peace and to offer strategies to calm our anxieties during these crazy times we live in.
While I am preparing for speaking at the Rotary, my husband and I are brainstorming
ideas to encourage our law enforcement neighbors and the local and state police who are
in our area! We feel an encouraging greeting card and gift cards to local eateries can be a
small but intentional, “thank you for your service to our community”, and make an
impact.

I often ponder lately how it would have been so easy to sit back and do nothing, or to
think that my small effort would have any lasting effect. But through my willingness to,
“do something”, many conversations and connections have been made that make it
apparent that good things are happening! If I had not stepped out, I would never know
what is going on in the lives of my neighbors and I wouldn’t have known how eager
many people are to be a part of positive change. It has been proof to me that one person
can make a difference in their family, community, town, county, state and encourage
others to do the same<3

Together We CanWe were hoping that at least 25 people would come and we were amazed when over 200 people attended! Our mayor told us,”Thank you for holding these events.”
Everyone AttendedIt was attended by police, the city council, area government representatives, business owners and community leaders as well as concerned citizens.



If you know of an uplifting story for our Good News Friday segment please reach out to: mimi@wealthjourney

I hope that this story prompts you to make a difference in your sphere. Your life matters, your life affects other lives! We can choose to be a bridge of hope and peace. We can choose to set up a boundary against violence and hate, no matter who it is targeted toward. We can choose to have uncomfortable conversations and grow and learn.

What do you want your life to look like? What do you want your family to look like? What do you want your county, state and country to look like? We can be the change we want to see by being an agent of change…together we can.

Life is Lived in the Periphery

May 7, 2020

The Human Genome Project (1990-2003), proved that the life, the activity, the energy of the cell, was ‘lived’ in the cytoplasm of the cell…in the periphery.

As I meditate on that, I think of all of the things in my life where that rings true. Life is lived in the day to day rituals, habits and values I hold as a person, and then in the broader sense, the day to day rituals, habits and values we hold as a family.

What we devote our minds and attention to, when no one is looking, is what is produced, grows and flourishes in our relationships, work and recreation and, in turn, makes us into the best version of ourselves.

I can often bristle against the mundane. The waking up at 5, drinking organic green juice, praying, journaling, listening to Tony Robbins, having prayer with my husband, working out, and practicing guitar for 15 minutes. But that is where my life truly is lived. The out growth of that routine shows up in everything else I do in front of and for others. It is light, it is energy and it is life!

Think about how your life is lived in the periphery? Just like me, if your life doesn’t reflect the values that you have or the way that you want your life to look, maybe you need to change up your habits and routines. It is a bit painful to change and build new ‘muscles’, but you will never regret adding value to yourself by living a better life in the periphery<3

I am walking this journey of wholeness with you and I would love to hear from you today!

The Best Day Ever!

April 12, 2020

I know we are all feeling a sense of loss for the traditions we have had on Easter. We can’t get together with loved ones or participate in events that have been meaningful to us they way we once did. Or maybe, holidays in general are difficult for many who may have complex family situations or hurtful memories. But no matter the back stories of our lives, I have heard many times in the last few weeks; “it just doesn’t feel like Easter”.

I have found a renewed sense of purpose in this holiday focusing on the resurrection story and the person, Jesus, who overcame death so that a world could live. The world has never known a man who gave his life in such a brutal way so that we could live eternally…and he still lives.
He did not just die for the whole world. He died and resurrected for each one of us and wants to have an intimate relationship with you and with me. And for that reason, the day that Jesus resurrected was and forever will be, the best day ever!

Maybe church and Christians have turned you off in the past, I completely understand that. Sadly, although we might not like his followers or the houses that claim to worship him, we will find a very different person when we seek Jesus himself and believe him and that in turn gives us more love for all around us. That is all he asks us to do.
Thank you for listening. Much love and many Blessings to each of you today and always♥

#thebestdayever #newlife #forgiveness #relationship #easter

Feed Your Faith, Not Your Fear.

April 3, 2020

Are you feeling a bit afraid? Me too. Sometimes I walk outside and think, holy crap is all of this really going on? Are we really in a pandemic? In a month so many things have changed and, like 9/11, I think they will change, the way we do life, forever.

Well, forever, as pertains to this life anyway. When I was about nineteen years old I became, what Christian’s call, born again. I intentionally gave over the control of my life to Jesus Christ. I knew that I was living a very selfish, self gratifying life with a lot of secrets and well worn roads and I was miserable.

One night when I was driving quite a distance from home after performing some singing telegrams, that was my occupation at the time, I happened upon a Christian radio station. The old-time preacher was calling me out from the front seat of my metallic blue ’78 Mercury Zephyr. He said; “If you died tonight, would you go to heaven?” I said, “No” out loud. He went on to explain that Jesus came to earth, died and rose again and is seated in heaven now to take my sins and the sins of the whole world and there is nothing we can do that will make us a good enough person to get into heaven, but we must surrender our life in Christ. He went on to say, that we must ‘hand over the wheel of our life’ and give Jesus the control over it because He knows what He created us for, where He wants us to go and what He wants us to do. Well I was driving with the steering wheel in my hands and said, out loud, driving down the highway, right there on my white leather seats, “Jesus take the wheel of my life in yours, I hand my life over to you. ( And this was long before Carrie Underwood wrote the song:)

He saw me and He heard me and my life has never been the same. He became my focus and pursuit and a whole new world and possibilities opened up for me. My life was no longer focused on the next self gratifying event, but instead, I became very curious about this King of Kings, and how I fit into His Kingdom.

Today, this moment, it seems to me we are confronted with the same choice. There is an unseen virus that is wreaking havoc in every place of our lives. Our once autonomous lives are becoming less and less autonomous. There is no where to hide. We can’t leave our neighborhood, our county, our state or the country. We cannot meet up with friends like we used to. We cannot shop to get some retail therapy. We can’t get our hair done or go to the gym so we can feel a little better about ourselves. We are being forced to sit with our selves our thoughts and the families that we are bound to.

There is no game to go to tonight, no dinner reservations, no show. Some people are wearing masks and gloves and some are visibly bothered by being around others, even six feet away. Some people have to postpone graduations, weddings and even the mourning of a loved one. It’s easy to see how we can be overwhelmed by fear and panic. What can we do?

We can feed our faith. We can, like Philippians 4:8 says to do, meditate on whatever things are true, noble, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous and praiseworthy things. Meditate means; to engage in thought or contemplation, reflection, ponder, consider, dream about, purpose, think on. The Bible says that We can transform our minds by the renewing of our minds. I know this is true, for I have spent months doing this very exercise at a time in my life when I forgot what my true identity was as a Christian.

Jesus said that He is the way, the truth and the life. He also called himself the light of the world. He said, whoever follows Me will not stumble around in darkness but have the light that leads to life. We need that light and that life today. Just like the unseen virus that roams around waiting to devour, we have an unseen enemy of our souls and his name is satan or the devil. The virus threatens our lively hood, our education, our health, our society, our world and maybe our very life. But Jesus said in Matthew 10:28, “Don’t be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot touch your soul.

Satan seeks to kill, steal and destroy, just like the virus, but the ramifications are eternal. He seeks to take your soul through deception like lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh and seeking after all the things this life has to offer. His primary focus is to convince you that you are not a child of God and God does not have your best in mind. He is a liar and a thief and loves to use fear as a primary weapon.

Faith in God is eternal safety in this life and the life to come. He invites us in to His Kingdom that is without end and offers us joy and peace that, He says, surpasses all human understanding. As the layers of what we have known as our lives get pealed away, He is there offering supernatural protection, direction and hope.

I chose this image for the blog for it’s majesty, peace, calmness and hope. As an Aromatherapist, I know the value of Lavender for it’s central nervous system calming and sedative properties. It is very effective as a support for people who struggle with anxiety or have a hard time falling asleep. It is beautiful to gaze upon and beautiful to smell. Green is the color of life and being alive.

Purple is the color of royalty and peace, very fitting for The King of Kings. Mountains are majestic and lift our eyes up to something greater than ourselves. During this time of panic and uncertainty, lift up your eyes to where your help comes from, everlasting help comes from The Lord Jesus. Call on His name, give him the wheel of your life and feed on Him as the object of your affection and your faith.

No matter where you are, no matter where you have been, He is warmly and excitedly waiting for you right now.

Blessings<3

Coming Out of the Shadows

February 29, 2020

Change….it’s hard. There is so much to it. Overriding uncertainty and fear, being courageous, taking a step, acceptance that you may not be where you want to be, but how are you going to get there if you never begin?

I bought myself a curriculum suggetsted by my therapist called, The Artist’s Way. It is written by Julia Cameron, a screen writer, and it is somewhat of a hands-on classic for blocked artists. Cameron suggests writing three large amounts of “pages” everyday to get un stuck. It doesn’t matter if you are a writer, a musician a painter, a dancer, what ever your art form, the writing is a necessary means to a desired end.

The curriculum was suggested because I needed time to, drain my brain, as my therapist said, but it has been so encouraging to me as I have stepped out in many areas of creativity lately- I highly recommend it to anyone who is afraid to develop those deep desired aspirations.

This is what Cameron says to affirm those afraid to take themselves seriously in any realm of creativity.

“In order to move a way from the realm of the shadows into light of creativity, shadow artists must learn to take themselves seriously. With gentle, deliberate effort, they must nurture their artist child. Creativity is play, but for shadow artists, learning to allow themselves to play is hard work.”

This statement is so true of me! On one hand, I take myself way too seriously, on the other, I haven’t taken my desires, gifts and talents serious enough. On one hand, I have spent literal hours and years, alone, practicing, writing, singing, playing, taking lessons to improve, on the other hand, I have so easily hidden in my fear and have not wanted to step onto center stage using the excuse, “someone is always better than I am.”

A lot has changed in my life over the last four years. A cataclysmic event in my life, cloaked in the appearance of a “bad” thing, actually turned out to be an open door of hope and change in my life. I do not want to discount how, in many ways, it was a hurtful event, to many people because it was. But what are we supposed to do with the shadows of our life? Hide in them? Blame them? Avoid them at all costs? I don’t think so. I think we are to, as Henri Nouwen says, in so many ways, embrace the shadows and the light together. Life is full of both and both are intended to be lessons to us.

The event in my life was a glaring signal that something needed to change. Many things infact needed to change…first, me. I was living a false-self life. I had desires and dreams, but I had for years stuffed them so far down to my toes, thinking they were selfish instead of, ‘desires of my heart’, God had perhaps placed there.

Allowing myself to say, I do not want the next 25 years to be the way the first twenty-five were, was very new for me. It was liberating. I didn’t go about it all the right way, for sure. But when we take actions to grow and change, ripples occur and affect those we surround ourselves with.

I have decided I want to take positive actions that affect myself and the ones I love in a positive way- those are my perimeters after trying to change in a destructive way. It is not easy, change never is, but it doesn’t have the negative ramifications surrounding it like bad choices to change, have.

Just one aspect of this change is found in our new hobby of playing as a family band in local venues. My family has played in worship settings for years, and still continue to. But we have recently created a set list of music, that is meaningful to us as a family, and stepped out to share our love of music together with the community.

We play rock classics, pop songs, jazz and originals that give a back story of the things we have been through as a couple and a family and it has been met with encouragement and huge support. I, for many years, was a drummer for bands. Although I would still sing from, ‘behind the band’, even lead or sing my own songs, I always had the comfort of the first layer of musicians in front of me to keep me in the shadows. I couldn’t see the faces of those we were playing to very easily and that was fine with me!

Coming out of the shadows right now for me means, stepping out in the courage that I have been given something important to say and share. That my life counts, that I have a message and that there are others who need comfort from hearing it. Ultimately, Jesus continues to use my life, bring me out of the shadows and in to all that He has destined for me to be and for me to do. In the process, I am empathetic to others and can comfort others with the comfort I have received. Ultimately, that is what I think shadows were created for. When shadows are exposed to light, you see all the beauty, life and detail that was always laying quietly there all along<3

Leap after Leap in the Dark

January 6, 2020

In a new year, it is really important to step back and take inventory to see what you have to show for the 12 months you have just lived through. I relate to Agnes De Mille, especially the last year, I have been saying things like,” I am throwing everything at the wall and I am seeing what sticks.” I have been stepping out on a limb, leaping in the dark and walking by….faith.

I have really, courageously, put myself out there. I have written a book about failure and how to recover from it, and that was not with out some repercussions. I not only thought it was the right thing to do, but I thought it was what I must, absolutely do, in an effort to progress with my wholeness and help others with theirs. But because that brings with it a certain vulnerability, I have wrestled with uncertainty as to if I went about it the right way.

I have spoken at church services and events when I have been asked to, knowing that this is the direction I must ultimately blaze, and then wishing I would have said things a different way or didn’t say a particular thing.

I have come up with classes, taken them to different venues and hoped people would sign up. Many times they did. Sometimes they didn’t. I started a new forum and winced when I would walk into the room, hoping I was never the only one who showed up- I never was.

I stepped down from a few roles while picking up new ones. Seizing the opportunity with confidence in one hand and complete unbelief that I am the person speaking or the musician who was asked to play or the employee who now does intakes with patients.

It was a year of great relational tribulation piercing the very tenderest places of my heart. And it was the year that I was convinced there was no stopping now or no sitting down when there was only one way to get to the other side of my,’ living just under my potential,’ that I have put up with for far too long in my life.

I have fiercely loved when I would have rather, easily, been apathetic and I have seen the fruit that is born when you keep loving and keep forgiving.

It was a year of joy, tears, wrestling with myself and God, surrender, struggle, surrender again and fruition.

A year of leaping in the dark, getting bruised and leaping again. My mouth is quieter. My ears listen better. My feeble knees are getting stronger and my thigh muscles are becoming more defined. And, despite the dark, I am seeing more acutely and have made friends with, not completely knowing.

Thank you for reading. Blessings to you today and in your new year.

You Have the Ability to Change

December 10, 2019

This is the Holiday Season, it is exciting and exhilarating in many ways, but for many it is filled with anxiety and depression.

I happen to be a person who loves the notorious, Hallmark, picture- perfect, movies because they always turn out the way I want them to! But that is seldom true of real life.

When there is so much going on and so much expected, it is very easy to get overwhelmed and focus on stress. It takes intentionality to be aware of the subtle blessings in life and cultivate gratefulness, especially during times of overwhelm. But that is exactly what we need to do.

We do have the ability to change. We do not have to say yes to everything that others ask us to do and we can take extra measures to carve out self care during this bustling time of year.

Here are a few suggestions:

Be intentional about eating food that makes you feel light and healthy. Start with three days this week that you will intentionally eat well and take notice of how it makes you feel physically.

Drink more water than usual. Add some lemon, lime or cucumbers to it, for an uplifting change!

Take the first 10 minutes or more of your day and pray or journal. Focus on the things you have to be thankful for. We take for granted running water, warmth, food, technology and the ability to think.

Make the decision to stretch or exercise every morning for 15 minutes and see how you feel later on in the day because of that decision.

Break out the essential oils you have laying around and pick out 2-3 that you love! Put a few drops of each into a spray bottle, fill with water, shake well and use as a room deodorizer. Remember that most essential oils are anti-viral and anti-bacterial- so it will not just brighten your mood, it will also support your immune system!

Pick out special cards for those people in your life that you need to say, “I love you”, to. Writing is very therapeutic.

Surround your self with positive music that has encouraging lyrics.

Take a walk for 10 minutes in the fresh air.

Take a bath or hot shower. Put Epsom salt in the bottom of the tub for added stress relief. Better yet, add 3-5 drops of your favorite essential oil into the Epsom salt first. A few drops of Eucalyptus will open up the respiratory and refresh you! (In Epsom first, not straight in water as it can irritate the skin if it lays upon water alone)

Choose to say,
” I am thankful to be alive today”, even if your not feeling it, choose to focus on the gift of life.

There! Those are some ideas to jump start you and get you thinking! You have the ability to change and make this day, and everyone to follow, better than the one before!

I am right here, journeying along with you and I would love to hear from you today! Happy Holidays<3

How To Deal with Anxiety... and Everything Else!

November 4, 2019

Yesterday I had the privilege of working alongside (my husband, pictured here:), but also, another very gifted and intellectual man, Dr. John Neyman. The seminar was held at Cornerstone Church of Clarion who warmly and authentically welcomed us to share. John wrote a book called; “The Neyman Strategy”, out of his life long career of counseling people with various issues, namely, anxiety. He shared the information from that book and more, in his seminar, “A Day Of Grace”.

If you get the chance to schedule this doctor of Theology, Psychology and Behavioral Specialist in a town near you, which I highly recommend, my husband and I will most likely be supplying the music for the event and sharing a bit about our story.

Dr. Neyman’s over arching theme is; change your thinking, change your life. His passion comes from his own life journey, where he walked in dark trenches himself and met God there. That led him on a path of faith and a voracious desire to become educated in every way so that he could grow and help others.

He shared many stories of the transformations that happened in seemingly hopeless cases. He once asked the City Of Pittsburgh to give him their most difficult behavioral case, and they did! It didn’t happen over night, but freedom eventually came to the tormented person who others would have written off.

God says in His Word in Romans 12:2, “Do not conform to the world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Science backs up God’s Word for this! In recent years, the neuroscience field has proven that new neural pathways can be created when we meditate on positive, life giving thoughts and subsequent actions.

One of the strategies that Dr. John teaches in his book and at his seminar is, meditating on scripture for 7 minutes a day in 1-minute increments.

We are given second, third, forth, chances when we apprehend this tool! How am I so certain? Well, God did this very thing for me after I came through a great challenge and subsequent failure. I could have been left in depression and in the bondage of guilt and shame, but God lead me by His grace into His path of light and life. I wrote about this journey in my book; That’s Not Who You Are.

The very method of renewal that Dr. John spoke about for hours yesterday, is the same method I used to recover from failure. I spent hours and days, studying scripture, meditation on it, writing it down, writing songs and blogs about it, speaking it, memorizing it, trusting it, and trusting God- not my circumstances. It transformed me. It didn’t happen in a minute, it wasn’t the microwaved, drive-through version, it was deep, wide and continues to sustain me.

I was able to share a bit about that at yesterday’s seminar and connect with people who have been touched by the pain of hopelessness. I share how God is a God of hope, second chances and new life! I share how God made Himself so real and intimate to me in such a dark time of my life. How He brought others to surround me along the way as I surrendered my control to Him.

If that is not the God you know, I invite you to rediscover Him again, through His son, Jesus Christ. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life and He does not disappoint! No matter what you are going through, addiction, depression, anxiety, loneliness, failure…He has every answer and has given us the tools to illuminate our lives. There is nothing that you could have ever done or do, that He will not welcome you with open arms when you come to Him for help. He delights in mercy.

It is to Him, I am grateful to have the privilege and the honor to work with and along side so many amazing people<3

To inquire about a Dr. John Neyman event, call: 724-712-9449

There is Therefore Now No...

September 16, 2019

“There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.”
Romans 8:1

What would we do without this verse…this truth? I think I would have given up and died, honestly. At a very specific time in my life that I had a major failure, I repeated this verse often. In the months that followed that failure, I would scribble; “there is therefore now no” on slips of paper to keep the truth constantly in front of me. It was so impactful because I did not trust myself to continue to make right choices and I condemned myself for the former choices I had made. I was very in touch with what Paul wrote here in Romans 7:15-25;

“For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice, but what I hate, that I do. If then, I do what I will not to do, that I do not practice, but what I hate, that I do. If then I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that is good. But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do: but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. How if I do what I will not to do, it is not longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.

I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good. For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. But I see another law in my members warring against the law of my mind and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? I thank God- through Jesus Christ our Lord!”

While I was in sin, making ultimate choices to sin, I would will to do good, set my mind to do good and then do evil. I take heart in Paul’s example and so should you. Even though he was dedicated to serving God, he fell short of God’s moral standards. He was conflicted, a place I found myself many times. But as he clearly states in verse 8:1, we are free from the law of sin when we walk according to the Spirit, remembering that we are in Christ Jesus. Jesus is who started turning to, continually, for my “escape”. I chose to agree with the truth that Jesus was the only power able to save me from all the lies of the devil would tempt me with and all the feelings that accompanied them. Jesus is where our freedom is found, one second, one minute and one day at a time.

Let’s Pray.

Father of mercy, Jesus savior, Holy Spirit of truth., continue to walk with me in freedom through Jesus Christ who has made me free. I set my mind, will and emotions on the Spirit and I pray for the Spirit to keep me. I desire freedom from my bondage and complete healing. I look to You, Spirit, to provide all that I need according to your rices in glory. Help me to continually turn to You for relationship, attention, affections, strength, peace and love. In Jesus’ mighty name, amen.

Singing Telegrams, Balloons, and Triggers

July 20, 2019

I wrote this story last summer and never posted it. The recent heat reminded me of it and I dug it out of my drafts- hope you enjoy!

It may be the heat that is getting to me (It has been relentless in Northwest Pennsylvania), so I want to prepare you! I am a little off topic today and this may not be your cup of iced tea! I am attempting to relay a potentially life threatening and sketchy story in a humorous way. That might sound strange, but with very close friends I naturally present situations that cause me fear and anger with a side of humor. It is how I process some things.  But I understand this material may be a trigger for some readers which is why I am adding this disclaimer.

On to the story…

I had an epiphany today! I realized that guys who don’t wear shirts in public creep me out! Whenever I would  see a man  without a shirt on this summer, I would say out loud; “put your shirt on”!! My family has been perplexed, asking me, “why does this socially acceptable,  lack of clothing bother you so much?”!

It hit me today. I drove past one of those boxy type vehicles like a Kia, Soul, and there was a man driving it who appeared to be naked because all I could see was bare skin from the window up.  Double take!! Ok, Julia, breathe, it’s ok, I said to myself. He is probably really warm….it is 90 plus degrees out and further more, he is probably fully dressed where it matters! Again, I ask myself why this bothers me so. And then it came to me.

I was about 19 years old and my full time job was working for a Singing Telegram Company as a character singer. Funny, huh?! It was a really fun and harmless job. Well, while I thought it was great, my mom on the other hand worried about me constantly. (Just for the record, I would NEVER LET MY DAUGHTER DO THIS JOB!!!) At the time, I was just so excited that I had a full-time job getting paid for singing, danger  never really occurred to me! Every day I got to use my singing abilities, be creative and brighten people’s day with a gargantuan bouquet of over sized balloons and I actually made a very good living at it! It was the late 90’s, before the invention of the cell phone!

Every day, I had a list of addresses to go to, costumes to wear and balloons to deliver. On my list that day was a residential party during the afternoon, dressed as a Modest French Maid.  The middle of the afternoon dressed as a French Maid was a little peculiar, first alarm.   Usually, The Maid, was requested for large weekend parties thrown by wives for their aging husbands!

So, I found the street I was looking for and pulled my car up a little past the house address where this “party” is. I did notice there were not very many cars parked on the street at all. Even for a surprise party, you notice some amount of cars parked down the street. That was the second alarm that I blew through.

I gather my balloons and feather duster, and head off to the front door of the house. I quietly knock on the door because I do not know if this is a surprise party or not. The door opens and there is a very large man filling the screened door. This screen door had aluminum that went up to the chest of this man so I could see his; you guessed it, bare chest and his head, but could not see anything from his chest down.  Again, that was odd, but gosh darnit, I proceeded! (I am shaking my head and rolling my eyes as I write this…just can’t believe I actually continued with this telegram!)

In my French character, I spoke my scripted salutation and the man proceeded to let me in. He opened his door for me in such a way that he hid himself behind it until I walked into the room and he shut the door and was standing behind me at this point blocking the door.

I know this story is going from humorous to scary and I understand if you need to leave. These are traumatic memories, but this one ends on good note for me. 

So, when I get into the house, I am in a living room with two large couches, a few chairs, a TV and NO OTHER PEOPLE. Nothing that says, there’s a party goin’ on right here! There was a surprise and that is for sure, but the surprise was for me! So, that man that let me in… he is still behind me. Still naïve and hoping for the best, I turn around to see why the guy didn’t enter the room. And what to my wondering eyes should appear? But a 6’2”, 350 pound man and ….reign deer?…no, they would have been great! No, no Reign Deer…just a diaper. That big naked man was wearing, a diaper!

OH, my mother was so right. This will be the day that I die! This is what she was talking about; I totally get her right now! Seriously, my life started to flash before my eyes…that life flashing before your eyes stuff really happens! My throat started to close and my heart started to pound and I was like, I am going to freakin’ (we didn’t say “freakin’ back then, but if we did, that is what I would have been saying!!) pass out and no one is going to ever find my body.

PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW, because someone who I choose to call THE HOLY SPIRIT slapped me across the face (so to speak) and said; Julia! Think quickly, do not get out of character and arm yourself! My mind quickly started to think of what I had on my 119 pound person that I could harm this 350 pound man with. Back in the 90’s we wore shoes called “spikes” and I had them on my feet and I thought, if I need to, I will take this shoe off and stick this heal in the temple of your scum bag head! As I was plotting his demise, I kept on with my French accent’. Oh monsieur….why don’t you sit down on the couch…I would like to sing a song to you! He started to move! He headed for the couch, it was working! I kept up with my nasal oh’s and monsieur’s and my name is Fifi! He was buying it and settling in for some entertainment. No, fast moves were going to work; he would have only had to grab me with one arm to overpower me. After giving him his balloons and waving my feather duster around a few times, I slowly started backing up toward the door. I got right in front of the door and I told him I had a present for him. When I was sure he wasn’t going to get out of that couch quickly, I said, “Oh, monsieur! I left your present right outside!” Before he could move, I opened the door, closed the door, ran down the street, got in to my car and locked the door. Heart pounding, I started the car and sped away, not looking back.

I said; “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!” all the way to a Convenience store. After I parked and breathed and thanked God for sparing my life, I called my office on a payphone and told the dispatcher what had happened. The secretary was mortified and concerned for my safety, called the police and told me to go home for the day.

A few weeks later while I was watching the news one evening, I saw a story on that diapered man! He was arrested for inappropriate behavior at a school playground. Do you think?!  When I saw that news story, I reflected on how grateful to God I was that nothing harmful happened to me, that day, while I was at his house.   I was also grateful that no harm came to the  school children and that he eventually got caught and was put in jail.

In regards to Singing Telegrams, I changed how I did things after that day! I no longer went to any residential parties alone. Period.  And even though my costumes were modest ones, I did not wear the French Maid or the Mae West costume anymore!! I stuck to clowns, tuxedos, viking women and 7 foot bananas! I became much more prepared and aware of my surroundings and much more discerning over all. 

I am glad that I have finally made the connection between shirtless men and the traumatic event that happen to me so many years ago. In writing this story out, it seems to me that the connection should have been a no- brainer. But many times a day we can experience things that we strongly react to because they have some kind of tie to a past experience. I believe that we should pause and get curious with God about why we respond the way we do sometimes and what is at the root of it so that we can work through it and experience freedom.

There are always lessons to be learned and ways to grow through every encounter in life. Now that I have worked through the thoughts and feelings that surround shirtless men, I experience less shock and frustration when I see one! I can talk myself through the situation instead of being stuck in the temporary emotions …and maybe even chuckle a bit:)

What a Smile can Bring

April 29, 2019

Several weeks ago I went to the store and ran into a wonderful little boy! We “met” in the area where you get a cart and his exuberance with his grandmother made me smile. He noticed me and pointed out something that was recently added to the carts for baby carriers. I engaged in his curiosity with a little response and then we went on our separate ways into the store.

After about 10 minutes I ran into him and his grandmother again. He said something like; Hey, it’s you again! And I talked with him a little bit as I was picking out herbal tea, asking him if he was being a good helper. Then I said; “hey, you have a great rest of your day!” He excitedly replied; “You have a great rest of your day too!!”…in his 4 year old voice. Running into him really brightened my morning!

A few weeks after this occurred, I was teaching at a local health event. One of the participants came up to me and said; do you recognize me? And I did, but couldn’t place where I recognized her. She told me she was “the grandmother” from the store, that memorable day, weeks before. She said her grandson liked me because I smiled at him! I loved that we had the opportunity to re connect because, I kept thinking of that little boy, Tucker! I got to meet his mother at that event and tell her what a wonderful, pure and honest, little person she is raising!!

His grandmother ended up ordering some Aromatherapy products from me that she needed to stop by my house to pick up and guess who was with her ( I knew he was going to be coming ahead of time:) He is an energetic and enthusiastic boy and it felt like we were old friends catching up for a minute!!

Don’t you love when you have those “divine moments” in life? When you know, for what ever reason, things slow down and you are supposed to meet someone? That is how I feel about Tucker. I may never see him again, but we were supposed to meet. You never know why you are at the exact place at the exact time you meet the people you do. But I have been realizing if I slow down a bit and pay attention, God has a bigger picture going on..who knows what a smile can bring?:)

Clothe Yourselves With Love

February 12, 2019

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony, and let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts.

Colossians 3:12-14

As I was thinking about Valentines Day this week with all of it’s chocolates, roses and love, is it just me, or do you find that the world, in all of it’s tolerance, is less sweet, less loving…less tolerant? The man who wrote these words, was himself, in chains in a prison. He is imploring a church in Colosse to forgive and make allowances for other’s faults and offenses. He is showing, with word pictures, how to walk in love toward a fellow human being. I think if he was able to do this, we must have something we can glean from it.

These words are every bit as important today as they were in Rome, back in 60 AD. This is easier said, than done, don’t you agree? Every day I have opportunities to forgive and not be offended, but because living Christ is my core value, I find ways to lean into the pain and align myself with the truth that Paul wrote here.

I have found Brene’ Brown’s books to be so helpful and practical in areas of vulnerability and relationship. We all, ultimately, want to be understood and want to keep communication going- it’s loving, it’s kind. In Dare To Lead, Brown write’s about recognizing when you are emotionally hooked by something. You know, the times where you feel like you are coming out of your skin, the times you cannot get the conversation to quit playing in your mind, the times when you are hurt, angry, confused, pissed, scared, etc, and times when you even feel sick or have other physical manifestations.

She states in her research that: knowing when you are emotionally hooked and then getting curious about it is the important first step. The getting curious piece is about asking yourself questions concerning the irritation. What is underneath my response? What am I really feeling? What part did I play?

She uses tools like, slow, metered breathing and writing in the process to slow the winds and calm the seas. I have been a long time journal- er and I have learned the value of deep breathing in vocal lessons and singing, but combining these two things in times of emotional confusion have been empowering to me.

When I combine these practical tools with wanting to do the best I can as a human, I find I am drawn to the image of clothing myself in love and tender hearted mercy. I believe we must have necessary, difficult discussions, but leaning into the pain and doing it right not only strengthens us, it sets others up for success in the process.

We are often so rushed, we do not take time to consider how we can clothe ourselves with gentleness and love. Just as you take time to pick out your clothes for the day and look at yourself with them on, ask yourself what being clothed in tender hearted mercy and love would look like on you and how you can wear them today. Maybe it is simply smiling and being cheerful. Maybe it is thanking the person who makes your coffee. Maybe it is telling your co worker when they do a good job. Maybe it is telling your spouse thank you for the little things they do everyday. Maybe it is taking care of something that someone else forgot to do and not telling them about it. Maybe it is buying groceries for a single mom working her tail off trying to make ends meet. What ever the situation, love covers and has an extraordinary, self- less aroma!

I am right here walking this road of wholeness with you and I would love to hear from you today<3

A Letter

December 22, 2018

The other day I got a call from the teacher’s aide in my son’s English class. Mrs. Allman, this is a good call, she began. Whew, I said! After several years in a formal school setting, we have had our share of bad calls concerning our autistic son.

She proceeded with the intent of her call which was to read me a letter our son wrote that day in class. The class was given the assignment of writing letters to a local student who has terminal cancer and whose Christmas wish it was to receive letters from other students. She told me how our son eagerly grabbed his paper and pencil and began writing away, when other students were at a loss for where to begin.

The above image is a sampling of that letter. After I sat listening and crying, I thanked the aide for the call and encouragement that she said she gave to our son. Our son, who struggles with his relationship with God, who struggles with, “why doesn’t God always answer my prayers?” Who struggles with the unseen and intangibles. This son, wrote a letter of faith and hope to another young man, about an unseen God who heals and cares, exposing his own tender heart in the process.

His faith, as faltering as I have witnessed it to be, is still extended as hope to one who is in need of it. I guess my son and I are more alike than I was aware and I see myself in this recent scenario.

This is the true meaning of Christmas even if we cannot understand it fully. Jesus was born, God’s gift to humanity, extending the light of the world to dark places and broken people.

“Do not be afraid, I bring you good news that will bring great joy to all people. The Savior, yes, the Messiah, the Lord- has been born today in Bethlehem, the city of David!”

“Glory to God in highest heaven, and peace to people on earth” Luke 2:10,14

It is the now and not yet kingdom that God set up on the shoulders of Jesus Christ. We bear witness to some of it while we live this life, but we wait with expectancy for the day when He will reign and rule with loving kindness and justice. We look for the day when light will over power the darkness, when broken things will all be made whole and when sickness and cancer will be forgotten terms.

Until then, we extend hope and faith to ourselves and others even when we fail to see the witness of it. No fear, good news, great joy, glory and peace to you all today, amen.

Autism, Birthdays, Mistakes, and Inhalers

November 7, 2018

My son is autistic. It has been one heck of a ride! Mostly the ride has been within myself, learning to accept, be flexible and be open to a new normal. It has taken almost fourteen years and I have by no means arrived.

 Having a birthday party for him was something I swore off a few years ago…and Oh Buddy, how I did swear!! One does not always know what is going on in that beautiful mind and if you go left when he wants to go right, watch out!  I couldn’t take any more tantrums in front of friends, leaving his friends sitting at the table because they ate their cake before he had the first bite or rude comments about the presents he didn’t like and the list is endless.  It is just too stressful….for me. Does that sound selfish? Maybe it is but I think I have a better grasp on my humanity and what I am able handle peacefully.

He started planning his party 2 months ago. I see him maturing in many ways. He has no problem communicating his need for more freedom and less parental control. I didn’t handle that very well when our oldest son communicated the same things to us at the same age, but I see my error in that now. I want to help raise confident, think for your self, respectful and God fearing men-so I can appreciate his hormones and intrinsic make up better than I used to appreciate his brothers’!

No person on earth has more tested, tried, exasperated or challenged this writer, than this particular son. He makes me want to hit the escape button on my emotional hand held and I sometimes  ponder if space from each other would’n’t be a good idea. I don’t know the answer to that but I do know, he is exposing many things within myself.

As I grow deeper in union with Christ, I have found this to be true. That the people and the situations in our lives that are cataclysmic to us in someway, are the very doors of hope that God has purposed. That can look a lot of ways, can’t it? It can look like the accident,the unplanned pregnancy, the lost dreams, the divorce, the illicit relationship, the addiction or the communication break down, just to name a few. God is standing there, purposing good through it, what ever it is. His hope and future for our good, in the pressure, in the refining and in the heat.  When you are aware of it, your eyes are opened! He wants to do something in us and through us. Ultimately, He wants us to so know how loved, accepted, forgiven and pleasing we are to Him- so that knowledge is given freely to others no matter how they behave, acknowledge or appreciate us.

I am getting ready for a big Aromatherapy event this weekend and in my busyness,  I made a mistake while blending some inhalers. I see that I am maturing a bit too. I just looked at the cartridges and asked, what shall I do with you now? Ginger, Lavender, Frankincense and Bergamot…. the blend lent itself to calming anxiety and reducing stress…perfect! I will give one to each of the special boys who are coming to the birthday party tonight and give one to my son and myself! A mistake turned into a blessing! That is what they are all intended to be. Not just for ourselves, but for everyone who surrounds us as well.

Thank you for reading, I really do appreciate it. I am right here walking this path of wholeness with you and I would love to hear from you today.

You Matter

September 14, 2018

This is the message I communicated to my kids today on the way to school, after my son told me about the rejection he received when he asked a peer group if he could be their friend and they flat out said, “no”.

I said; You have value. Not because of who you know, what groups you are in, how well you succeed, what people want to hang out with you, or what natural ability or talent you have. You have significance because, the Creator of the Universe loves you, accepts you, forgives you and you are pleasing to Him. And Whether you do well or you screw up, that is never going to change. There is No One else out there who is you! 

My heart is burning within me to share that with all of you! It is rock solid truth and it will never change. This week has been National Suicide Awareness week in the U.S.  I have been, as I am sure you have been, affected in some way by this tragic choice. I have even had times in my life that I seriously contemplated suicide, because I felt hopeless and useless. That is the deception of deceptions and a lie carried to us by the adversary of our souls. You and I matter! The literature from the  Personal Life Mission course I am participating in right now says it spot on;

No body has your wiring and your history. Nobody! This gives you a unique place in the world and even greater things for your future!

Do you believe it? I do, and I am walking this path of wholeness with you and would love to hear from you today!

#youmatter #thereisnoonelikeyou #significance

Failure

September 7, 2018

Do you remember in the movie City Slickers when the character, Ed, said his best and worst day were the same day? I relate to that in this way; that the things in my life that could have potentially destroyed me, have been the very things that have given me grit and determination to change.  Those times have been the catalyst to eventually propel me into my best self and my best potential.

I have found that the humility I have learned in failure has been fertile ground for authenticity and given me a more meaningful way to relate to others.

I am sitting here this morning in my quiet place. The corner space in my room, next to a window that has been designated for prayer and meditation. I am reading Psalm 91, H.C.G Moule and Beth Moore. As I feel a cool, gentle breeze touching my shoulder after a humid, sticky night, I find that I am in very good company.  The words  that I am reading were written by people  who have a deep understanding of failure. The constant theme is; what is impossible with man, is possible with God.

It is not only that God loves,  knows and relates to us, in real time, through Jesus Christ…which is pretty mind blowing.   It is that He can still prove inexhaustible and victorious in our mortal flesh today! It is also that, He and He alone, can set us free from the slavery of sin. And it is further, that because He has set His love upon us He will deliver us. 

I am sitting here right now, drinking in His love and mercy. His absolute encouragement  and inspiration toward me to lift my eyes up to the mountains from where my help comes from. The awesome overwhelmedness that He is a master at taking ashes and creating beautiful things out them.  He really wants to do that for me and for you today and every day!

Thank you God that the things that the devil meant to destroy me have been turned for good in your hand. Thank you God for your Holy Spirit that leads me in to all truth and uses my life to help other’s with their’s. I am overwhelmed as I sit in your presence. I thank you for the other’s who have gone before me and have transparently encouraged me by their trials, struggles and failures. As difficult as the road has been, I thank you that you did not allow me to become hardened. You kept my heart soft and vulnerable, so that you could continue to teach me and I could continue to encourage others with the comfort I have received.  And I thank you that you, and you alone, can grow the most beautiful creations out of seemingly impossible conditions. 

I am walking this path of wholeness with you and I would love to hear from you today.

Think on These Things

July 16, 2018

It is SO easy for all of us to look at what is wrong in any situation…being grumpy and complaining takes little effort. It is so easy to complain about the weather, the government, or another human being.

I have a son who is autistic. His brain apparently does not have a lot of serotonin or dopamine, because he struggles to look at the bright side of anything. We are attempting to teach him every day to recount the good things of the day, or happy memories he has experienced in the last 24 hours and let me tell you, it is grueling work! We all get very frustrated with him but do you know what? I find I can be the exact same way many times! I have this written in my dining room from Phil. 4:8; I challenge you to insert truth to all of these meditations, especially the situations you are experiencing right now that are clouded by doubt and frustration.
WHATEVER THINGS ARE TRUE-  (Insert yours here) I wrote; I am loved, forgiven, accepted and pleasing to God.
WHAT EVER THINGS ARE NOBLE- Despite our struggles and set backs, my husband and I are attempting to build a holy union called marriage.
WHAT EVER THINGS ARE JUST- Our children are growing up into the gifts and talents that God purposes for their lives and we experience that as a family.
WHAT EVER THINGS ARE PURE- God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit give us access to themselves daily.
WHAT EVER THINGS ARE LOVELY- Children that I wasn’t supposed to have, green grass, hemlocks, flowers on my porch and in my hand.
WHAT EVER THINGS ARE OF GOOD REPORT- I made it through this day loving those around me!
WHAT EVER THINGS ARE VIRTUOUS- Trusting that God has plan and future for me that is good even when my circumstances can make me doubt. I don’t give up!
WHAT EVER IS PRAISEWORTHY- I have life, I have food,  I have water, I have clothing and shelter.
So it says we are to MEDITATE ON THESE THINGS. It takes effort, energy and a changing of our minds- many times from what we see, to faith in what we don’t see. I love the HOPE that is in that!

God has given us the capacity to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. When we look at people who completely frustrate us, we must look at who they really are…who they were created to be, just as we want them to do for us. The renewing power we have been given is a super natural gift, the ability to look at something we see and yet have faith in something that we do not see is not of this world! We have access to this power and we must apprehend it with faith and a grateful heart.

I hope you take a few moments to do this exercise, just writing it out has been transforming to me! I am right here walking this path of wholeness with you and I would love to hear from you today!

Creating Margin

July 13, 2018

I have known for a long time that I need a lot of space for myself to be quiet, read, and pray  to be the person I was created to be. God rested on the 7th day and Jesus often retreated to a quiet place, why do we think we can just keep motoring through hour after hour, day after day?! This morning, I was reading a John Maxwell devotional and John takes 20% of his time- roughly 3 hours a day, to schedule nothing. Doing the math, that adds up to 6 days a month and 72 days a year!! He calls this Essential Time Off.  It allows his mind to be quiet and re focus on the things that are in front of him or be present for his family. He says that he is much more efficient with this un- scheduled time, scheduled in, than he would be with out it.

I have come to find this true again and again. No one is going to provide this margin to you or I. Others will keep taking our time if we let them and this concept of creating space takes great intentionality. Our world and our lives are so complex, we need scheduled times of peace. I just enjoyed 3 days off and it was great to put demands on hold while I spent precious time with my family. When I get back into my schedule, I will continue to have a few hours off every morning to focus on who I really am and what purposes I am here for.

In seasons when I have been really over committed, I find that just one more thing, even if it is seemingly insignificant or mundane, can make me implode if I am not having sufficient quiet time.  This time ultimately allows me to release creativity and stop to think about, and address, the details of my life- something that simply cannot be done on the run. This time also re aligns me with who I really am not just the roles I fill for others. If Jesus needed time to rest and listen to His Father,  I am sure there is abundant wisdom to realize that we need it even more!

I am right here walking this path of wholeness with you and I would love to hear from you today!

Feeling Stuck

July 9, 2018

The other day I was feeling really stuck in an incident that had occurred. Relentlessly my mind started to obsess over the situation in which I had no power to control.

I have a great book written by Beth Moore called, Praying God’s Word. She takes scriptures, divides them into various topics, and personalizes them so the reader can pray God’s Word over their situation. The above verse  is one that  I found in her book that was so pertinent to what I was struggling with at the moment. I wrote it out on a card to read and meditate on through the day, and it renewed my mind. Whether your past occurred in the last five minutes or something that happened five years ago, this scripture is such a powerful application. The Bible text reads this way;

Whoever invokes a blessing in the land
    will do so by the one true God;
whoever takes an oath in the land
    will swear by the one true God.
For the past troubles will be forgotten
    and hidden from my eyes. Isaiah 65:16

There is a God of Truth and He always desires to Bless us and Release us! He has things for us to do here and we cannot do them if we are stuck. Sometimes it is hard for ourselves or others to forget our past troubles, but it is not hard for God when we ask Him. Not only is it not hard for Him but he forgets it and dwells on the plans He has for our future!

I have been teaching myself over the last few years to not stay stuck in my negative or anxious thoughts about a situation, but to face it, release it, and pray for God’s perspective in it. God doesn’t look at me through a murky lens of failure and missed opportunities. He looks at me through a clean, clear glass  and sees me as loved, accepted, forgiven and pleasing to Him  That keeps me motivated to keep walking  forward on my path of wholeness. I am right here walking it with you and would love to hear from you today!

Don't Give Up! You're On the Edge of a Precipice

June 20, 2018

I have a message burning deep in my heart that I want to share. When darkness closes in all around you and it feels like you are going to suffocate from lack of hope, don’t give up—you are on the edge of a precipice!

The definition of precipice is this:

Precipice

[pres–uh-pis]

noun

a cliff with a vertical, nearly vertical, or overhanging face.a situation of great peril: on the precipice of war.

I have been on this precipice many times in my life. Sometimes I found myself there from choices I made, but many times I found myself looking off a cliff from situations that simply presented themselves.There are a few choices we can make when we find ourselves here:

1. Go back the way we came and deny it.

2. Find other routes to escape it.

3. Face and accept the seemingly impossible challenge.

I have tried all three! I can say, without a doubt, facing and accepting our challenges is the only choice we have to growing healthy and moving forward.

I have had situations all my life in which I had to choose not to give up. I was born to overcome; nothing in my life has been easy for me. I was the youngest of five, born into a turbulent time. My mother had given up and over to alcoholism, and my dad was an oft-absent traveling salesman. I got a lot of attention early on for being the “baby”, but that soon lost its luster, and I usually felt like I was just in the way, the third (or fifth) wheel, and definitely not preferred over anyone else in the family. Although I now see everyone was trying to do the best they could, the attachments at home were not secure for me.  I was abused in different ways, which further lead me to finding my own ways to detach and protect myself.

Elaine Aron, in her book The Highly Sensitive Person, says:

All childhoods are not equal. Some are truly horrible. And they can differ within the same family. Statistical analyses of the influence of family environment on different children in the same family show no overlap. Your brothers or sisters lived a totally different childhood. You had different positions in the family, different early experiences, even in a sense different parents, given how adults change with circumstances and age.

When I was in middle school and high school, I had the potential and some outside encouragement to really excel in music or writing, but I think the lack of concern at home made me lose motivation to exert any effort. I regret, yet accept not having the wherewithal to take advantage of those opportunities better. I felt unnoticed by my family whether I did something really well or not, so I took the path of ease. There was no support or excitement about what I might become; I only felt the annoyance of others if I asked for help. I have in recent years recognized when those feelings resurface as an adult, and have seen the same scenario play out in my marriage at times.

It has required a lot of dependence on God, prayer, and therapy to work through these deep wounds that have affected my person, marriage, and my own family. First and foremost, I have to believe that I am loved, accepted, pleasing, and forgiven by God. This is where all of my significance lies. I have found Robert McGee’s book Search for Significance to be authoritative on this subject and extremely healing to me.

When you find yourself stuck in life or turning to things you never thought you would engage in to get relief, you owe it to yourself and others to take the time to find out why. We deceive ourselves when we think we can leave one bad situation and move into another one that will magically be healthy without any work. It is a process and a journey that is lived one healing minute and hour at a time.

When you find yourself with your back against the wall, suffocating in the hopelessness, what are you going to do? Remember the three choices from the beginning: we can go back the way we came or stay in the same old ruts and familiarity, but I challenge you that is not the way of healing. We can find other routes and escapes. Again, this is where dependence or addiction to drugs and alcohol, and idolatry of every kind comes in. We can choose it, but it will take us in to a greater bondage than the momentary relief it brings. I have made this choice in a variety of ways, I have been destitute, shed many tears and almost completely lost hope for choosing this way.

The third choice, however, is facing and accepting that our situation is hard and taking that challenge. This is difficult, but healthy, because it is walked out in truth. Of course, I am not suggesting that you should remain in a state of hopelessness or receive any kind of abuse. God came to set the captive free and loose the chains of bondage. We are not living healthy lives if we are enabling others to abuse us and perpetuate the cycle. God calls us out of darkness and into His light, and sometimes it is a bloody battle to get there.

I am saying that when we find ourselves in desperate situations, that is usually an alarm that there is something to address. This alarm contains the perfect opportunity for healthy change. The thing about precipices is that there is something vast waiting on the other side, a lively and healthy adventure that you will never know unless you decide within yourself that this is the way of peace, even if it is difficult.

Whether you are in a circumstance of your own making or have done nothing to deserve your position, do not give up! Take courage! Forgive yourself, love yourself, realize that you are accepted and pleasing to God and that that is more than enough, even if others are rejecting you.

I bought a plaque to hang on my wall. I bought it after I had caused a great disturbance in the lives of many because of some of my behaviors. It says: Let your courage set you free! I still look at it and am strengthened by it. I am weak, but Jesus says, “When you are weak, I am strong in you.” That gives me courage. I do not have to muster something that I do not own, but I can let Him do it through me as I am a container pouring out. He can supernaturally change situations if we are open to Him and have faith in Him to change us and change the situation.

You have to believe that you were created for something greater than you can imagine. Maybe you have been climbing up a sheer cliff for many years;  you haven’t reached a plateau or a resting spot in what seems like forever. I understand! My husband and I have gone from one hard or devastating circumstance to the next. Even if I chose to escape for a while, I eventually had to return to the place that I needed to accept the situation and see how I could change or grow while going through it.

It’s like being in labor with a baby; at the point that you think you cannot go on in labor, the baby is just ready to emerge. Every single time I was reaching a precipice, it felt excruciating, like I didn’t have the energy to go on. But every single time, there was freedom and a higher understanding on the other side. Just over the crest is where new life begins; there is no turning back when you keep that perspective.

So, the message that burns within me is this: You are not alone! Do not give up! You are only on the edge of a precipice.