National Autism Conference: Getting There

August 1, 2017

We are blessed to be able to attend the National (and there are inter-national attendees here as well) Autism Conference at Penn State University this week! I thought I would blog nightly and reflect on the things from each day.

So now, I will back up and start at the beginning of this story :-)We never know how things are going to play out with our son in any given situation.  We have been prepping him all summer about this trip, but we cannot be sure how he is interpreting any thing. He is typically not happy about any plans we make that he hasn’t made, and he always complains, so we are used to that! We have to sell him on any thing we do except anything having to do with eating or playing video games of course!!

About 30 minutes into our trip a few incidents happened that made my husband pull the car over in a fury and make me want to say; “take me back home, I don’t want to go with either of you!” Sometimes it is one thing after another with our son. Things that make sense to him I guess, but drive us absolutely bonkers and add an incredible amount of stress to our marriage. During this frustrating scenario that was going on, my husband bit his own tongue by accident, enough to make it bleed!! It was just all so awful! I was angry and frustrated, they were each angry and frustrated, and then my heart went out to my husband because things like this happen so frequently. There was just nothing to say that was going to be helpful, I could only sit in the salty silence of acceptance. My flesh wanted to go home but I got out my guitar instead and started singing my songs.

We got through unexpected traffic and dinner ,which continued the “ordeal”, and made it to our room. The pool at the hotel is very nice and relaxation came, when we all got in the whirl pool. Peace…

When our son hit the bed, with all of it’s hotel comfyness and pillows, it didn’t take him long to go out! He looks so peaceful when he sleeps, all of that frustration he deals with in a day  fades away and it is well with my soul.

My Beloved

July 25, 2017

“The core of my faith belongs to the conviction that you and that I and that we are the beloved daughters and sons of God. One of the enormous spiritual tasks we have is to claim that and to live a life based on that knowledge.” Henri Nouwen

I agree. It is something that I have been trying to wrap my mind around for the last few years, but more than that, asking God Himself to implant that deeply into my mind and my heart. I believe it is the core of living; looking past our “false self”, or our apparent self or circumstances to our “true self” who is the beloved of God to fully live as we were intended.

While meditating on Nouwen’s book, Spiritual Direction and his meditation on The Beloved, I wrote this song.

I am your beloved-you made me in eternity

You gave me love-so I could give it out-it will not run out in you

My beloved, my beloved, my beloved-Jesus

Here and now-your love is my power for victory- your song and strength to me

You will never leave- though the enemy tries to deceive- I will trust in you

My beloved, my beloved, my beloved-Jesus

You know my thoughts afar- you come to where we are- no stones, just nail scarred hands

You put them ’round my face- and sing amazing grace- love divine pouring into man

My beloved, my beloved, my beloved-Jesus

I pray that this love pours out of me to others and that I let it’s truth sustain me the rest of my life<3

Morning

July 19, 2017

The sun has reached its placement in the blue that makes the dew glisten on the blades of grass.

The way it shimmers and flickers in the light, made me think, just for a moment, that a serpent was slithering.

I am warmed in the glow, except for the cool wisps of a flittering breeze and the air, so thick with moisture, almost carries in it the taste of fresh cut pine and cypress.

I am hemmed in by birds surrounding me with an intoxicating chorus of individual song, so much so, that it softens the brakes of the logging truck gearing down to a stop.

This is the morning that was given to me and I  have welled up with a clarion mind bubbling with serenity and gratefulness. The Creator, the Father, His son and Spirit, whirling around the created and delighting in my delight.

Be Brave!

July 12, 2017

I Started Doodling with my daughter who is still at home. We learned it from my friend who is on her umpteenth round of Chemo.  In the natural, she shouldn’t be alive. But she is Brave! She puts all of her trust and faith in Jesus and completely trusts Him to meet her needs and use everything to bring Him glory, even her Cancer and especially through her art.

The last 5 times I have seen my friend, who lives several hours away, I think it is going to be the last time I will see her. Her son surprised me last month by saying he was going to be driving her here to see her parents and asked if they could stay with us. Honestly I was a little stressed because I knew we had a lot going on that month, but God worked out all the details! I instantly was eager for the visit as they always end up being such a retreat for both of us. It like putting the world on hold and keying into a deep spiritual relationship with another saint. As it turned out, we were gone 2 of the days they were here which allowed them to have time and space to have visitors over! I made one request to my friend, that she teach me something of her artistic ability, because this is a sampling of art that I own from her:

(See and BUY Jeanette’s art at her website; Jyvonne Inman)

I wanted to sit at her feet and learn something from her so I could say Jeanette taught me how to do this! It wasn’t easy for us to sit down and do that together. She had just found out upon arrival to our home that the cancer had grown in her back and she had been experiencing a lot of pain.

She had a fever a few of the days she was here, which is frightening to some one in her delicate state. She also got sick while she visited and was a bit weak.  But there was some space carved out one evening where she sat with me and my children and told us that all art starts with doodles!

Of course her doodles are masterpieces, but we all worked on our individual pieces as she related how the contrasts are often like the contrasts in life and wove kingdom lessons into everything she taught. “We can’t appreciate the light unless we compare it against the dark times.”

Here is my friend, our evening together and the doodle I made!

I haven’t been feeling all that brave, strong or courageous lately, that is why I wrote the reminder down. After writing this post, I can’t help by be inspired by this woman who is incredibly brave everyday. From the time our children were all at home (11 children between us) and we were home-schooling moms, to this last visit, Jeanette has inspired me and brought the peace of Jesus to my mind and heart….and reminds me again to be brave. Thank you my friend, I love you<3

It Wasn't Always Like This!

July 7, 2017)

Over the last year, my husband and I have something we call “Friday Morning Dates”. It wasn’t always like this. This year marks our 25th wedding anniversary and for 23 years of this adventure, we didn’t have regular dates.

In the last few years, after our separation, I started posting pictures of our Friday Morning Dates on Facebook to make memorials along our journey and to encourage others in what is possible when you let go and let God.

We, by faith, have trusted that if we are willing to make changes in ourselves, and literally throw ourselves on Christ, that something beautiful will, and has to, happen. Whether we would have remained married or not, we both had to deal with the deep root issues that neither of us wanted to face. We realized that those issues were in fact affecting all of our relationships and that we would just take them into a new relationship if we were not together.

We started completely cutting out things that didn’t serve ourselves individually and our marriage…like not discussing anything that could be emotionally charged after 7 P.M. and conversely, we realized we could not get our son ready for school together in the morning. One of us had to leave- we had to change our routine.

We decided to start praying every day for our marriage (George usually calls me on his way to work and usually on his lunch break). And we needed to start having a weekly date, even if it was short. So as soon as the kids got on the bus, one of us would make breakfast, wrap it up and we would head off to the bike trails in the area (even in the middle of winter!).

Every week, we read a book we have been reading through for two years; Face To Face; Seven Keys to A Secure Marriage by Dr. Jesse Gill ( who we have since started a friendship with and a dialog about leading a group study with his book). This book, similar to Susan Johnson’s Hold Me Tight, in it’s focus on attachment,  has revolutionized the way we look at our negative marriage cycles.

After we spend some time reading through the book, we take a walk (even in the snow!) and listen to each other.

As I am reading this, I can understand how some would say, “my significant other would never take the time to do these things!” I have been there! As a matter of fact, when we started this process, many times I did not want to be on the date! Many times while we were on the way to marriage therapy, I couldn’t stand being in the same car! When we went to a marriage retreat, we didn’t stay in the same room! Like the title says,  it wasn’t always like this , and we certainly haven’t arrived but we are miles from where we started. I thank George every week for making the decision to change his Friday morning schedule to make his marriage a priority, because if he didn’t do that, I wouldn’t have remained.

It wasn’t always like this, and it will ebb and change again. But I want to encourage YOU to be willing to change and grow where ever you are, especially when things look bleak. And fall in love with Jesus who loves you more than any other person in the world, who has a perfect future and hope for you and who WILL grow something amazing and beautiful in you using ALL the things in your life to accomplish it!

Live (Fully) in the Now!

June 26, 2017

Anxiety. Next to Inflammatory diseases, anxiety is a world-wide epidemic! Anxiety is constantly trying to get in my door and it has taken major vigilance to keep that evil, time wasting intruder out!

Yesterday afternoon I got pretty anxious…and isn’t it funny how everything looks insurmountable when that happens? The bottom line was that I needed some time alone. I asked my husband if he would take our over weight son running, (which was a source of my anxiety) as his ADHD was out of control yesterday. I workout all week to keep my vessel in shape and I make lists for our son every day (because that is part of our Autistic way of living), which includes exercise on it. But in my anxiety yesterday, I was feeling like my husband doesn’t have enough vision for the part he plays in our son’s physical fitness and that was adding to the pile. You micro manage when you have a special needs child, and you get tired of micro-managing…and I was tried.

Any way, he graciously agreed to take him out and after they left I decided to work on an art project while I was listening to a Malcom Smith teaching. I mentioned Malcom last week in a blog, he is a person who dedicates his life to teaching Christians who they are in Christ. I needed some of that soundness in my mind.

He was teaching that in this particular Psalm (103:1-5), David was talking to himself. He said “often we allow our self to talk to us, but David addressed himself and took authority over his inner person concerning the distractions and made himself Bless The Lord.” As he was teaching, he expounded on how anxiety is simply letting go of the peace that you currently have right now in the moment, and exchanging it for fear of any number of things! I resonated! That is so true. I had been thinking about my son not being physically  fit enough,  my husband not being pro active enough, the things I don’t have enough of, attitudes I have too much of, etc. etc.

Right now, In this moment, I have the Mind Of Christ as a Christian! I have the peace of God that surpasses all understanding that guards my heart and mind.  Right now, I do not have fear but Love, Power and a Sound Mind! God has never left me or forsaken me, He loves me with an ever lasting love and wants to build me. I have perfect peace when my mind is stayed on Him. I carry Jesus wherever I go, and He told me not to be anxious for anything, but to talk to Him about everything.

Why is it so easy to exchange all of that peace for fear… for a lie? Well, I have found it very easy to do, but I know what I heard Malcom Smith saying and what I was meditating on last night is truth an brought my mind into perfect peace. It is living in The Now, and realizing right now, I have everything I need in Christ Jesus. I can tap into the supernatural realm right now, because Jesus lives now and wants to abide in me as I do in Him. Heaven will be amazing with our new bodies and all, but I can live a supernatural life in this here and now and so can you!! Live Fully in The Now!

End Note; when the boys came home, we were all in our right, peaceful, strong minds! We all had the time and the adjustment we needed and I was in a very hopeful and encouraged state of mind<3

You Are Precious

June 23, 2017

You are precious and are worth dying for. God absolutely delights in you and wants to be in a relationship with you- if that isn’t The God you have heard about, you have only heard religion..which isn’t God. Seek the truth through Jesus and you will find the way, truth and life♥

Speaking about precious things as it relates to Essential Oils… there is an account in the the gospels of a woman bringing an alabaster flask to Jesus. This is how it reads in Luke 7:37-49;

 A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. 38 As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.

 When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.”

 Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.”

“Tell me, teacher,” he said.

 “Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii,[a] and the other fifty. 42 Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”

 Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”

“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.

Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. 46 You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. 47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”

 Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

 The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”

The perfume that was in this alabaster flask was Spikenard (which is named in  Mark’s Gospel of this account.) I have always loved and related to this story because I have been  this woman; sinful, transparent, affectionate, misunderstood, judged, loved and forgiven. And when I went to Aromatherapy school, I was so excited that I actually got to work with Spikenard essential oil!

In the other accounts of this story, everyone was “indignant” about what the woman did, in addition to her obvious intimate attention to Jesus, because the perfume that she broke over Him was very costly. They said that it could have been sold and the money given to the poor. So this was a known, rare and  precious perfume to everyone’s knowledge.  But her devotion and out pouring to Him and His love and affection toward her was much more valuable and worthy of her fame throughout generations!

I want to follow up with the fact that YOU are more precious than silver or gold or anything else the world has to offer. You matter, you make a difference and God desires an intimate, healing relationship with you now and forever<3

Addiction: I Understand the Struggle

June 19, 2017

I am definitely taking a raw plunge on this blog. I have gently touched on the subject of addiction many times but I think straightforwardness is in order because there  are so many vices, so little time and so many lives being wrecked.

This is from Larry Crabb’s book, Connecting. “God declares that there is no goodness in sex outside the boundaries of a loving relationship with a lifelong mate. When we believe Him and therefore are inclined to do what He says, obedience yields a joy that supports us in what ever frustration may exist. ”

Do you agree with that? I know that I have been spared pain and destruction when I have hidden myself in” the loving marriage relationship”, even when it has been a down right unloving relationship and even when it called for separation.

He goes on to write; “A man (or woman) has a difficult day of meetings and retires early to his hotel room. One press of the button (or call that call or that sext) and pornography will fill the screen.  He calls his wife, gets some work done, and then goes to sleep…never presses the button. The next day, meetings go well, that evening the urges come back, he yields.”

“What ever the complexity might be, it is clear that we are a strange mixture of good and bad urges and they can have a life of their own. With God’s Spirit we can love as Jesus did, but we can also sin like the devil..indwelling sin is a lifelong problem-indwelling goodness is a life long reality awaiting release.” (All wrapped up of course in Romans 7&8 )

“His personal problem is sex addiction. That man senses a voice that yearns to be filled but lacks the sense to realize that he longs for LOVE, not pleasure.” And that is where the wreckage happens. I know, I have experienced it first hand.

Is God’s love enough? That has been my question. That has been my adventure. That has been my pursuit. Can His love surpass anything this world or anyone else has to offer me? Can His love be so tangible and intimate that any other would pale? Is He that interested in my well being and future? Or is what seems a justifiable and reliable provision of pleasure/center of life/lust/control/addiction really soul satisfaction?

In the midst of my addiction behavior I could say; “I can live with out_______, I cannot live without God”- Even though nothing in my flesh wanted to let the addiction go. It is so easy to feel isolated when you are struggling or failing. I would look for anything on the internet that might help relate to me, a Christian woman caught in addictive behaviors. I did find an extremely helpful prayer that seemed to understand the snare and all of the anguish I had been caught in. But more times than not, most Christian articles related to addictions or failures left me feeling more demonized as the guilty party.  I needed to know there was a light at the end of the tunnel, that people had not only come out the other side, but that they were Alive!, Thriving! and were loved and used by God again! I want to be a light like that to someone who is where I have been!

You have to understand that I believe Jesus delivers!! That all power belongs to Him! That nothing is too difficult for Him! That He came to set the captive free, and had when I first came to Him, so why was I in bondage again? I had to understand why I would allow myself to come to such a low place and risk loosing my whole life as I knew it. During the search for that answer, I learned so much about myself and God.

These are the things and people He has used to reveal who I really am in Him and His love toward me. If you are caught in addiction, and really want freedom and health, these are the resources I highly recommend. First, Friends who see the greatness in you. I tightened my circle of friends and unfortunately had to cut off some really significant relationships that couldn’t be that for me (my husband being my best friend  and support  even while dealing with his own issues.) Any of Larry Crabb’s books…I think I have read and re read them all. Henry Cloud’s Changes that Heal and Robert McGee’s Search for Significance.  I had two amazing Licensed Marriage Family Therapists (which are the only  type of counselors that I recommend) who I still reach out to. Through a set of supernatural sequences, I got a hold of The Adulterous Christian Woman; The Lies that got me there, truths that brought me back by Lyndell Holtz, who has become one of my dearest friends since, and continues to be a radiant light ahead of me.  I also immersed myself in watching You Tube videos by Malcom Smith and Sylvia Pearce who’s life mission is to help Christians understand who they really are in Christ.

If I could have left my life and gone some where to figure it all out, I probably would have. But God has been so good to me to send me help while living my day to day life out and I believe He has given me grit and perseverance in the process.  Like I said before, I want to be a compassionate light leading some one else who is navigating their way out of the pit of addiction…I understand the struggle.

Friends in Time

June 9, 2017

Each Day I find, miracles in my life, gifts so great they could only be yours

Friends in time, changes kind, strength from your loving hand

I’m on my way, bearing the new man.

Lord, Here’s my life, heal my heart, heal my soul.

Lord, Here’s my life, as I seek you, make me whole,

Here’s my life, Oh Lord, make me whole.

This is my friend that I met while I was at school for Aromatherapy. God brought us together through our love of holistic health! Her husband and her were with in three hours of our home and we were able to to meet up half way and spend an evening together! I really thought the chances of ever seeing her again were slim to none!

It brought to mind the words of the song that I wrote many years before. Friends in time. I have been so blessed to know so many incredible people, so diverse, so loving, so kind, strong, opinionated, and courageous……always in my heart, even if we do not get to see each other for years.

We all need each other don’t we? And all of my friends make up parts of who I am. I have learned from them all, even (and probably especially) the ones who may have parted my company. Iron sharpens iron and love never truly fades away.

It was actually surreal that I could hold her and see her and talk- which both of us couples did for hours! Listening to each other’s journeys over the last few years and we have both been on some unexpected, adventurous journeys!! Growing in faith and trust, and looking to the future with expectation. I re count it today, and I am very thankful for the opportunity to see each other. 

Do The Next Thing

May 1, 2017

This pic was taken on the bike trail in our area. I have been purposely appreciating “the weeds” in my yard or along the side of the road. They are “weeds” because someone has called them “weeds” and told us that they are to be pulled out, not picked, and not looked at as a thing of beauty. But they are lovely- faithfully growing there at the edge of the trail, under the sun light as I ride my bike and move forward.

Yesterday at church, our pastor reminded us to continue to be faithful in everyday things. When you feel you have failed,  don’t know what to do next or you feel you are not where you are supposed to be, simply do the next thing and be faithful in it. If you have a job, show up, be faithful when no one is watching. If you are married, be love to your spouse. If you are a parent, be present and involved in your child’s life. If you are none of the above, get up and move and “bloom where you are planted”! Be beauty to yourself and to others.

In The Broken Way, Ann Voskamp says, “When nothing feels simple, simply do the next thing.” Sometimes life can be overwhelming. Reduce it, do the next thing, take the next step-be faithful in the small things. And look for the beauty and growth in the “weeds”.

Speaking of “weeds”, many of the wonderful properties we glean from our Infused Oils come from garden variety “weeds”!! Red Clover, Creeping Charlie, Yarrow, for example, all have amazing health properties.  I blend many of my Essential Oils into infused oils for added health benefits. I have taken local classes to identify helpful “weeds” that grow in our region. Does this interest you? Buy a book on the subject, or check out classes at your local parks! Learn, grow, flourish….simply do the next thing 

What Are You Thinking?

April 17, 2017

Thinking: we all do it. Some of us are better at hiding it than others, but no matter who you are, the things you think about will affect all of your life choices. We have amazing minds, and I don’t think we can be reminded enough of the benefits of renewing our minds.

I have written a lot of blog posts on this idea over the last year. The following is what I wrote one morning on my Facebook page. Although the focus is on shame, it ultimately goes back to what we think about ourselves:

According to the book Unashamed by Christine Caine, shame-based thinking says, ” I am not ________ enough” (Thin enough, smart enough, victorious enough, successful enough, Christian enough, a good enough parent, a good enough spouse, etc.). But those are constant lies that many of us have believed. It isn’t what God says about us. It isn’t the truth. In Genesis 2:25, “Adam and his wife were naked and they knew no shame.” That was what God created. Jesus took shame on the cross, and His Blood will wash away all of our shame if we let Him work in our lives. Run to Him! He ALWAYS wants to bring wholeness and healing to His children no matter what you have done or where you have been. He loves you so much that He died on a cross for your sin. You ( and I ) are no shock to Him! If you walk around continually defeated, feeling like you are missing the mark, remind yourself of what He says about you. You are completely forgiven, fully pleasing, totally accepted, and complete in Him! He is the one you are living for, so His approval is the only one that matters. He is love. Let Him free you of your shame so you can be the person He created you to be. 

Do you walk around continually defeated? Do you question everything about yourself and all the decisions you make? Consider taking time to question what lies you are believing about yourself. It cannot happen overnight, and it cannot happen when you are rushed. But as you take quiet time and reflection and begin to ask yourself hard questions, you can be free from these untruths that have been holding you back in life.

Here are five essential oils that can help clear the mind as well:

• Rosemary

• Basil

• Juniper Berry

• Peppermint

• Sage or Clary Sage

As an aromatherapist, I regularly use and carry all five. I am here on this journey with you! You are not alone and you are loved!

Are you interested in trying these five mind-balancing oils? Have you experienced the power of renewing your mind and thought patterns? We want to hear from you today!

Choosing Forgiveness

April 14, 2017

I’ve been understanding forgiveness on a whole new level over the last year. I’ve dealt with asking for forgiveness, forgiving myself, forgiving others and not being forgiven. One thing I completely agree with James McDonald on: “Christians need to be masters at forgiveness.” This is a challenging thought, but it’s true. And whether you’re a Christian or not, you know forgiveness changes your life and allows things to move in a healthy way that would be impossible otherwise.

The biggest challenge and help to me has been to understand that, “I am completely forgiven and fully pleasing to God. I am totally accepted, deeply loved and absolutely complete in Christ” (Robert McGee, The Search for Significance).

With God’s help in believing this is true, I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength! I want to be rebuilt and energized in that truth, so I can do everything I was created to do in this life and not waste one more second in unbelief.

I want to encourage you that this is possible! You can change your life, your patterns, your habits, your hangups, and your failures. You can take that mustard seed of faith and it can grow into a flourishing tree!

I completely relate to King David when he said, “I would have lost heart unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of The Lord in the land of the living” (Psalm 27:13). Forgiveness is not an easy road, and the battle is mostly in the mind. But unless I believe (without seeing) that forgiveness produces good fruit and leads to a more abundant life, I will give in to hopelessness and despair. I have been there many times, and it does not bear anything good! Not for me or any one else around me.

So, I am encouraging myself even as I write this, and hope I encourage you today!I encourage you to check your heart, investigate the things that weigh you down, and ask yourself if there is an area in your life (or that situation you can’t let go of) in which you really haven’t forgiven a person, or even God. Don’t let this day pass without getting it out in the open, confessing it, and receiving forgiveness for it. Don’t carry it around another minute, day, or year. This is precisely the Reconciliation Jesus Christ provided to us through the cross and what we can meditate on further through this Resurrection weekend. The books of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John can greatly aid us on this journey of forgiveness<3

Refocusing

April 10, 2017

What do you do when you run into someone you would really rather not see?

We all find ourselves in situations where we would rather not run into that person. Maybe it’s just because we’re having an off day and would honestly prefer not to run into any person! Or maybe an unfortunate circumstance happened, and there is still some friction in the relationship. Or perhaps, the problem is within yourself, and you haven’t made amends in your heart toward that person.

I’ve had many such opportunities in the past year, and like it or not, I’ve had to face the music more than once. In my   situation, I caused harm. I asked for forgiveness and some of the people I hurt have extended it to me. Others are on their own journey with it, and I respect that. But what do you do if you come face to face with someone and you would prefer not to?

Here are some of the things I have put into practice when met with these uncomfortable situations:

• I breathe deeply through my nose and out through my mouth.

• I release endorphins and serotonin by giving a big, beautiful smile! ( Or in some cases; gently smile, nod and in both cases, keep walking.)

• I lift my thoughts to God and choose to love Him most.

• I turn my thoughts to my husband and the journey we have invested a lot of time and energy into.

• I turn my thoughts to my children and how I want to support them and be the best Julia I can be for them.

• I realize if I always avoid awkward situations, I make a practice of hiding, and I do not want to hide.

• I feel the pain. I acknowledge that this is reality, and it hurts!

• I realize the next time I see this person it will not hurt me as much as it does today. Every day I am getting stronger.

• I choose to be love, be grace, and be beautiful.

• I ask the Holy Spirit to fill me and use me right where I am.

• I remind myself that I am forgiven, accepted, and pleasing to God, and that this is the basis of my self-worth, no matter what others may choose to think about me.

There are times when you run into someone you would rather not see, and it’s really hard to recover from it, even if you’ve taken some steps ahead of time to prepare. If this happens, you may need to take several days to recover, and that’s OK. Some difficult situations are, well, difficult. Maybe they simply overwhelm your mind. Don’t beat yourself up. And if complete downtime is required, find ways to find times for yourself where nothing is expected of you so you can refresh.

Facing a situation is refocusing your thoughts.

I have followed these steps over and over in my mind when I run into a difficult situation with a person I would rather not see. I realize that in the long run, going through the situation is better than avoiding the situation. Then I give God what I can’t control, knowing He can work all things for good, and what’s more, He wants to!

I hope these ideas are helpful to you, as well. Sometimes being healthy means knowing yourself and your limits, and it means being thoughtful enough to plan ahead for your own mental and emotional well-being. Life is a journey, and it’s okay to make little maps to help yourself navigate it. 

What are some ways you refocus your thoughts in a difficult situation? I want to hear from you today!

It Took Nine Years to Go to a Restaurant!

April 3, 2017

Our youngest son is autistic. When my mother-in-law was alive, her love language to us was taking us out to eat at a restaurant, and I would be so torn.

On one hand, I had four children and helped care for her, so it seemed like a wonderful idea to not have to cook one meal out of the thousands I had prepared over many years of marriage and motherhood! But taking along extra “special” food for my “special” son who had a “special” diet, along with the struggle of trying to combat his behavior the entire time, wasn’t worth the stress I felt. These are one of the many struggles those who care for a special needs child face.

It is so easy to feel entitled. “I deserve a dinner out without our son knocking over his hundredth glass of water and exasperating everyone at the table, dammit! I deserve to relax with a night off!”

After all, I’m not a masochist. I mean, Jesus retreated often and prayed! I need my rest. Oh buddy do I need my rest! But I also chose to receive my children and raise them to the best of my ability, and it is my responsibility to take care of them. However, if I keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result, I will drive myself crazy!

So I decided I wouldn’t do that anymore with him. At some point you have to pull back and ask yourself what is best for everyone involved. I would hate myself for how stressed I was, how stressed I acted, and especially how I treated the rest of my family because of my stress. It was a lose-lose situation. I would leave the house loading my stress trigger, hoping this time he wouldn’t do a, b, and c. Then I would be totally rigid and on edge while we were out, then beat myself up for several days afterward because I felt like a failure… again.

It was not until our son started going to a vestibular therapy that was a bit of a drive from our home that I started rewarding him with a dinner out, if he did well at therapy and behaved while we were there. We have left many restaurants before, and I’ve gotten our food to go more than once. But this restaurant we chose had gluten-free items, which was a real treat! He started understanding that it was worth it to him to behave so he could have a special date with mom and eat his own gluten free favorites. He was nine years old, and I was like, wow! we can do this sometimes!

Since then, we have had some horrible experiences as a family. We have left restaurants as a family. But with every day that passes, these things are farther and farther behind us. Living with autism or behavioral issues is often like constantly looking in the rear-view mirror and seeing what road you have covered. It never feels like you have arrived at your destination; you just have to remember where you started and throw yourself a little party that you are not still “back there!”

As we left our family therapy session today, I was considering these things. We went out to eat, no glasses were spilled, no major behavior issues were exhibited, and we even enjoyed a few laughs together.

Happy dance!<3

Who Gets Over a Love Like This?

March 20, 2017

Image by Gabrielle Allman

I’ve been vulnerable.

I’ve entered temptation.

I’ve been caught in an iron snare.

I’ve been tormented and been refused.

I’ve been naked.

I’ve taken bullets and I’ve been rejected.

And there was a Man who stepped in.

My intimate Lover,

The One who I ran away from.

He has taken my guilt and shame.

He has stood in between me and the pointing fingers.

He knew what I was caught in and had compassion.

He told me all of my brokenness and all of my shame,

My guilt and my lack,

Is being  made into something beautiful and abundant.

…I am starting to believe Him.

Who gets over a love like this?

(thoughts collected after reading Ann Voskamp’s book; The Broken Way.)

Benevolence

March 10, 2017

In a fast paced world so full of every one’s personal goals, it is nice to see some old fashioned benevolence! My benevolent side has recently started emerging again coinciding with questions I ask my self about what is truly important in life. I took time off, right or wrong, from caring about any one else but my self. There were some really good, right and needful reasons I did that. At the same time, that demanding selfish imp ran a muck, and I found my self preparing for disaster!

One of my best friends recently moved away. Some one who made her self available to me for months on end when I needed support and encouragement. I reached out to help her pack and made meals for her family and helped on moving day….that felt like part of my self that was good.

Another friend of mine has been under such “Job like” distress, her body seemingly attacking itself. I, like she has to me so many times, make my self available to listen, to pray, to clean, to watch her two year old and to massage her aching body….that is a part of myself I like.

Yet another friend has recently moved out of her house to move in with her aging parents. Her father recently had a leg amputated and her mother has Alzheimer’s. She not only had to pack her house up, but pack a great deal of her parents house up before they came home from the rehab facility and before her and her husband could move in. Now she is still sorting through things while being the primary caregiver to two very needy people. I went to help sort, and pack (not very much)- mostly affirm all of her feelings of getting rid of things that belong to her living mother who will never use her once beloved things again….that is a part of myself I can share.

There are a lot of books, blogs and articles written about “paying it forward” and there is truth in it. But some thing the Savior whispered in my ear in the midst of my wandering was; “Whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and looses his soul.”  Matthew 16:26  Hummmm….

As I am being re built, I feel the really good working parts coming back again, better than ever and with non manufactured giving! I also see a new set of boundaries in place. I can only do what I can do for others, I don’t have to fix it, and I am not the end all! I can “leave”, and that is a giant leap for Julia:-)

As we go in to the weekend, lets think Benevolence. It makes you have to slow down and be more purposed in the moment. It lowers your blood pressure, actually lowers stress and it makes others feel good too…win/win!! Have a great weekend<3

My Search for Significance: Part II

February 27, 2017

I told you last week I wanted to do a series on my journey through the last year. Last year at this time I had come clean with  a gigantic failure. Now my failure was noticeable to others. We all have failures, but they are not all noticeable to others. My  husband  and I had many failures that lead up to my “huge” failure and they mostly went unnoticed to others but were destroying my wholeness, our marriage and our family.

Noticeable failure, I have found, can bring enormous amounts of guilt and shame. The shame wants to suffocate you. It wants to keep you in a bondage not unlike the one you just came out of. It took an amazing amount of mental assent to the truth, like non-stop 24/7 self- talk, filling my mind with the truth. I took about 3 months off, as much as I could, just to fill my mind with the truth. Any little rejection from any person would throw me right back into a pit, so I was very self-guarded and did not go out very often. I was acutely aware that I couldn’t stay in that place of hiding, so I was cautious but I also needed to be safe in the loving arms of Jesus to be restored.

Christine Caine said; “shame always wants to re capture you at the point (where you still see baggage dragging) and wants to take you hostage.” I wrote that quote along with now hundreds of quotes and scripture onto art paper and started “postering” our home with them. I would walk around and read them out loud! I was most literally “Not conforming  to this world  but being transformed by the renewing of my mind.” Romans 12:2

I do not know how a person could get out of destructive habits any other way. I do not know how you could mix “a little bit of truth” in with a world that is swallowing it up faster than you can take it in and be transformed. I think that is why it says; “do not conform to the world.” All those “little failures” I spoke of earlier, were seemingly small. Ever so slightly, I was getting loose with my boundaries. They did not start as big leaps into uncharted territory. Mary Kassian says “it comes by creeps, not leaps” and that is So very true! Conforming to the world, it’s desires, it’s pleasure…the “I deserve it” mentality wraps itself around you and the tune turns up the volume in your mind until you are singing along. Breaking these habits takes radical, violent action- it will not happen passively.

I spent another 3-6 months testing the waters of the outside world with my new legs and a growing inner strength. That would only come after significant time reading the Bible, praying and singing. I have taken up the guitar in the last few years and it has been a comfort to me as well as a positive challenge. As I said in my last blog I would repeat these truths; “Julia, you are deeply loved, completely forgiven, totally accepted and fully pleasing to God.” (Search for Significance). One day, after a dear friend read John 8 to me, it was as if I was there with Jesus and He was saying to me, “Neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more- I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.” Jesus, the savior of the world, told me “neither do I condemn you.”, I couldn’t have a higher authority than that and I continue to keep my eyes completely focused on Him.

I am personally aware how our destructive behaviors can really damage others and I have lamented over these. I first had to walk along side my husband ,who I have hurt the most and who has had supernatural love toward me, so I have seen the pain I have caused first hand. I am not minimizing this aspect of failure at all, but when it comes down to it, all that a person can do is ask for forgiveness and pray fervently that God uses it all for good. I am unable to be responsible for how other people choose to respond but I do hold it close and pray every day for reconciliation in every relationship.

If we keep listening to shame in our failures, no matter “how big or how small”, they will remind us how long we have been carrying them and tell us “you will never be rid of this.” But God wants us to be FREE, He came to set us free from this world and to live with Him and have life more abundantly. He is cheering us on and giving us the strength to “run the race with endurance.” Hebrews 12:1

Believing this is all true, is radical! I have been on this journey and I want to encourage you on yours. My hope is that I reach a light to those struggling in a similar situation and walk the path with you so you are not alone. 

My Search For Significance

February 20, 2017

I am going to be doing a series of  blogs writing about the journey I have been on over the last year.  I called it My Search for Significance, taken from the book Search for Significance by Robert McGee, because it was a pinnacle book on my journey. It may not be a consecutive series, but it will be one none the less!

Last year at this time, my marriage, that had previously hit rock bottom was beginning to grow some new life in it. It looked like this;

OK, it looked like this without the flower…the flower is still forming. But through the rock,  despite the elements, against all odds, there was some life that started…as fragile as that spindly root, but there was definite life forming! On the outside, many people had no idea what was taking place on the inside of our family. A few close friends knew the ongoing obstacles and trials we faced, but most people, I suspect, thought we were a pretty amazing family. (And we are- praise to God and not to my “Plastic Christian Face;-)

At this point we were separated. It was a Controlled Separation with the help of our Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (we have done a Lot of counseling in 25 years, this is the only kind of counseling I can whole hardheartedly recommend.) I had made a choice at the beginning of the year to face what ever it was that I had to face, to not look for greener grass and to deal with things that I can see now I was trying to escape.

I started reading Search for Significance before this point and it was an extremely important  part of the puzzle for me in my metamorphosis. When I was challenged with the questions of where I find my significance, I found that I really had my significance wrapped titles much more than I realized. For many years I had been  A Good Christian Wife , I was a Hard Working Home-Schooling Mom,  A Worship Leader, A Youth Leader. I went to church every Sunday, I went to Bible Study, I helped whenever I could. Although these are all great and noble characteristics and lead to a level of life and peace,those are things that I did not who I was.

I was digging deep. Who was I and why was my life in such disarray after all of these years of “faithful service.” Well, those are complex questions, and there are a lot of complex answers, but the basis of Search for Significance definitely was my base from which to work off of and continues to be daily;

1. I am deeply loved

2. I am forgiven

3. I am accepted

4. I am fully pleasing …To God.

I had to understand the importance of this and begin to believe it before I could move forward with in myself, let alone any other relationship.Nothing or Nobody is going to change these truths! Every time I face insecurity I say these things to myself. This is where my significance comes from. Not in what I do, or how well I perform, but in this knowledge. I wrote it on a piece of art paper and taped it to my wall and I said it several times a day. I began to tell it to my children, I began to tell it to my husband and who ever else would receive it from me. I have wrestled with each line of this and have been able to say a truthful, “Yes” to each one.

Just like the above picture, my hard heart started to crack and a gleam of light entered and stirred a system that was there waiting for this photosynthesis! That realization gave me the solid ground I needed to continue in the journey, even if I have stumbled on it.

I wonder if you can relate to, or have been encouraged or challenged by any of my story? I would love to hear from you today. Have a great Monday! Have a great week:-)

Let's Be Honest

February 7, 2017

I will be honest….there has, not so long ago, been a time in my life when I wasn’t being honest with myself or others. It caused a lot of pain for everyone around me and it changed my life. I have had to grapple with my choices and ponder what would bring me to a place where I would choose to live in lies rather than the truth?

One aspect of myself that  I found was, that through out my life I lacked boundaries and the courage to tell people how I saw things when I didn’t agree with them. I thought I was just being “agreeable” and keeping peace. But what I realized is that I was just people pleasing and too afraid to let others see the real me. This also reinforced my distorted thinking about myself ,kept me in unhealthy relationships and set me up for future failure.

This is just one aspect of the many journeys I have been on, but when I read Dr. Henry Cloud’s book this morning; Changes That Heal, I thought I would share some of his insights that have helped me.

Be Honest-

Be honest with one another. Many people will not be honest because they fear loss of intimacy and togetherness. in reality, honesty brings people closer together, for it will strengthen their identities. The more you realize your separate identities, the closer you can become. Telling loved ones what is really on your minds and telling others what you really think is the foundation of love.

Now that I am testing the waters in this realm, I realize that people really like to keep me in my old “people pleasing” box!! They don’t appreciate my new found freedom and personal boundaries! But it is ok, that is to be expected and will just cause further healthy change and growth.

Maybe you have not struggled in this area, but since the book, Boundaries  (store.cloudtownsend.com/boundaries-softcover-book.html) sold so many copies, I suspect that you may deal with it in some way. This is just one little honest thought in the area of being honest, but there is so much more! If this segment has piqued your interest, I encourage you to  check out these and other books to help you straighten out what maybe has been distorted in your life. Healthy thoughts make a healthy person!

We are right here walking the journey with you and would like to hear from you today!

You Can't Give Up!

January 26, 2017

Colds. I have been hit hard this winter! It doesn’t suit my position as an owner of a holistic health company!! Yet, it is completely out of my control. Last week I felt so horrible, I was sure I was going to die….but I didn’t.

When we are hit over and over again with bad news, bad health, or discouragements, what are we going to do. Well, you may need to pull the covers over your head for a little while. I actually required several days in bed- resting your body is one of the best ways to re-calibrate your immune system. But after you get up 5 days later and still feel lousy, what are you going to do? Give up? Never!!

Do something, take a baby step, stretch, sing, walk down the driveway and back, just do some thing a little challenging but some thing you can achieve. If you need to rest again, take a rest again- but you will know that you accomplished some thing to day that you couldn’t do yesterday and that tomorrow will mostly likely allow you to do even more.

We are right here with you, being challenged and embracing life……never give up!!