July 7, 2017)
Over the last year, my husband and I have something we call “Friday Morning Dates”. It wasn’t always like this. This year marks our 25th wedding anniversary and for 23 years of this adventure, we didn’t have regular dates.
In the last few years, after our separation, I started posting pictures of our Friday Morning Dates on Facebook to make memorials along our journey and to encourage others in what is possible when you let go and let God.
We, by faith, have trusted that if we are willing to make changes in ourselves, and literally throw ourselves on Christ, that something beautiful will, and has to, happen. Whether we would have remained married or not, we both had to deal with the deep root issues that neither of us wanted to face. We realized that those issues were in fact affecting all of our relationships and that we would just take them into a new relationship if we were not together.
We started completely cutting out things that didn’t serve ourselves individually and our marriage…like not discussing anything that could be emotionally charged after 7 P.M. and conversely, we realized we could not get our son ready for school together in the morning. One of us had to leave- we had to change our routine.
We decided to start praying every day for our marriage (George usually calls me on his way to work and usually on his lunch break). And we needed to start having a weekly date, even if it was short. So as soon as the kids got on the bus, one of us would make breakfast, wrap it up and we would head off to the bike trails in the area (even in the middle of winter!).
Every week, we read a book we have been reading through for two years; Face To Face; Seven Keys to A Secure Marriage by Dr. Jesse Gill ( who we have since started a friendship with and a dialog about leading a group study with his book). This book, similar to Susan Johnson’s Hold Me Tight, in it’s focus on attachment, has revolutionized the way we look at our negative marriage cycles.
After we spend some time reading through the book, we take a walk (even in the snow!) and listen to each other.
As I am reading this, I can understand how some would say, “my significant other would never take the time to do these things!” I have been there! As a matter of fact, when we started this process, many times I did not want to be on the date! Many times while we were on the way to marriage therapy, I couldn’t stand being in the same car! When we went to a marriage retreat, we didn’t stay in the same room! Like the title says, it wasn’t always like this , and we certainly haven’t arrived but we are miles from where we started. I thank George every week for making the decision to change his Friday morning schedule to make his marriage a priority, because if he didn’t do that, I wouldn’t have remained.
It wasn’t always like this, and it will ebb and change again. But I want to encourage YOU to be willing to change and grow where ever you are, especially when things look bleak. And fall in love with Jesus who loves you more than any other person in the world, who has a perfect future and hope for you and who WILL grow something amazing and beautiful in you using ALL the things in your life to accomplish it!