November 6, 2017

“Mom, why didn’t you tell me the oatmeal was overflowing! Mom! Mom! Mom!??? Mom, why didn’t you tell me the oatmeal was overflowing? (I remain supernaturally quiet). Mom!! Why are you ignoring me?” Assuming everything in the universe that is wrong has been caused by yours truly...”Mom why didn’t you tell me….”

“Dorian, when you put food in the microwave too long, it  heats up and overflows.” “Oh!” he says, as if he has truly learned a new concept. A few minutes later…”Mom, why didn’t you tell me that the oatmeal was overflowing?!!Mom! Why are you ignoring me?” ( I thought we just had this conversation a few seconds ago and he accepted my response as a reasonable answer?) “Dorian, when you put food in the microwave too long, it heats up and over flows.” “Oh!”, he said.

Here is an actual excerpt of a 5 minute conversation we had the other morning at breakfast. This is very typical.  Of course the oatmeal isn’t always over flowing, but the intensity and seeming insanity is commonly overflowing. I am not sure why I have been chosen for such an enormous task as this. One which requires such superhuman love! I have not always dealt with it wisely and definitely have tried my hand at escape. Sometimes I think, after all of the education I have sought out, the prayers that I have prayed, the multitude of counselors and therapies we have implemented, that some how we should reach a plateau called, Easier! I am realizing that to get to the other side, you have to keep moving through, keep doing the next right thing, keep going through. Some times I let my son and my self down with how I respond but there is one thing I am sure of… I am doing the best I can.